What I Wish People With Normal Hearing Understood About Hearing Loss
As part of my long journey with hearing loss—from recognizing that I have a problem to being an everyday hearing aid user—I recently realized I've been harboring some frustrations about the all-too-common misunderstandings that normal-hearing people have about those of us with hearing loss. From what I’ve read on hearing loss forums, and from conversations I've had with some of my contemporaries, I'm convinced that others share my concerns. So I feel it’s time to express them.
It's mostly younger people, but also certain public speakers (teachers, actors, musical performers), and others, who might communicate a bit differently if they were aware of the day-to-day struggles of people with hearing loss. And if they were more aware, they might even take some steps to protect their own precious hearing.
Go ahead, pick and choose what resonates the most for you and feel free to share it with those you think ought to lend an ear.
- Hearing loss is not like most garden-variety vision loss. A modestly priced pair of distance- or reading glasses may work wonders for correcting typical visual acuity problems, but hearing aids and/or cochlear implants will not restore normal hearing. So don't act shocked when you see my hearing aids and I'm still going, "Pardon me?"
- It's not simply a matter of amplification. Every person's hearing loss is unique, and understanding speech in noise is especially challenging. Damage to the neural pathways and various conductivity problems can be very complex, and not all are yet fully understood or easily corrected.
- Face me to be heard. If you are turned away from me (and walking around, like my yoga instructor), I'm going to struggle to understand you, so please face me if you can. This is doubly true if you are asking to move into the guest house with your family.
- Clarity is essential. Young, normal ears may be able to fill in the blanks for the half-eaten words in rapid, often mumbled speech. My ears will probably fail the test. That likelihood is almost certainly increased if you're asking me to cosign that loan.
- Contrary to appearances, I'm not stupid; I just have trouble understanding speech in noise. If I ask you to repeat something, there's really no need to shout one syllable at a time in slow motion. Just enunciate a little better and I'll probably get it the second time. (Or the third. I'm also kind of old.)
- If we're talking by phone, please don't just hand the device to the young grandkids. It will be too breathy, muffled, garbled, loud or soft for me to get very much of it, and I don't want to hurt their feelings by asking again if they're going to school/daycare yet or still attending remotely.
- Please don't put me on speaker phone. I'll have to struggle to extract your words from the din of the blender or the football game in the background. And I won't understand that voice chiming in from across the room.
- Listening is hard work for me. If you're driving, please turn down the car radio during our phone call, or better yet, use your CarPlay. I'm having enough trouble picking your speech out from the road noise and the barking dog on the back seat. Wait, your CarPlay is giving me this maddening echo...
- Are you addressing a live audience at a concert or speaking at a Zoom meeting? Please chill a little with the sarcastic asides. I'm already struggling with the scripted stuff.
- If at some point I want to end our conversation it doesn't mean I don't like you anymore. Prolonged listening to speech is a cognitive as well as an auditory challenge for me. The effort to concentrate can be exhausting. (And I'm kind of old. Did I say that already?)
- Background noise matters. If we're in a loud restaurant, there's a good reason why I want to sit opposite you, with my back to the wall, but an even better reason why we shouldn't be there in the first place. I need a quiet restaurant if we're going to talk. (Uh, we may have a problem here. I just read even upscale restaurants are getting louder.)
- Are you a cashier or customer service rep? If I'm next in line I won't have heard your conversation with the previous customer, so you can just as well save the conspiratorial grin.
- Are you a healthcare provider or office assistant (and wearing a mask)? When it's my turn, please call out my full name to the crowded waiting room, and if you could project a little I won't jump up for "Eve" or "Keith."
- Speaking of masks, when you're wearing one, your consonants will likely be muffled, which of course makes my task harder. This reinforces virtually all of my points above. You may not fully appreciate my frustrations, but I promise I'm not exaggerating. (Well, maybe occasionally. But only because I'm forgetful.)
To sum up, it would be great if you could take a hint from my struggles and cut me a little slack in the convo. More important, turn down those AirPod Pros so you can enjoy your own invincible ears for a lot longer before you realize they weren't.
I suddenly lost my hearing at age thirty. I got the best hearing aids available and joined SHHH (now hearing loss association of America) they suggested asserting yourself, asking the speaker to rephrase, all of the usual tips similar to the ones you mention. Thirty six years later I've come to the realization that no one is going to accommodate us (including health care professionals ?) so I feel your pain. The way society is going one thing is for sure the hearing device industry cartel certainly won't suffer.
I'm almost tripping over myself writing this! At last I have found a place with kindred spirits, those who understand - especially about the 'cartel'.
I have been married for 52 years and my wife still cannot get accustomed to my severe loss of hearing from the service. Her frustration seems to mount with each passing day but that is just the way things are with my degree of hearing loss. What drives my wife up a tree is when a use my Phonax Roger Select device to stream TV sound directly to my hearing aids. My wife really gets upset when she speaks to me when Roger is on and I don't hear what she is saying. I have to try to turn Roger off so I can hear her. It is a battle between my wife and Roger Select. The frustrations hearing-impaired individuals and their family members are many, I don't expect many with normal hearing to understand the predicament I am in being severely hearing impaired. Maybe VA will fit me with new hearing aids after my hearing is tested again in February 2022.
My loss is S2P. I currently use three years old Oticon OPN hearing aids with the optional Bluetooth Phone Streamer/Education Mic and the Bluetooth TV Adapter. The Hearing Aid Microphones can be switched on or off so you can stream any source simultaneously with ambient sounds on or off. When you go shopping for your new HA's make sure they include this option. Good Luck and thank you for your service.
I know exactly what you mean. People with normal hearing do not understand the struggles of us hearing impaired. I so tire of asking my wife to repeat things but if i don't she's mad because I don't understand her. I'm to the point where i ask her to mute the tv when she's talking. It's a struggle to hear people in normal environments. On top of that, sound is filtered through the maddening roar inside my head. It's just frustrating and exhausting to listen to speech. So yes, I completely understand.
Thank you for this. It expresses how I feel in a lot of the situations mentioned.
Thank you so much for this , it expresses exactly how I feel . But instead of us hard of hearing people , we already know how it is, I wish all with normal hearing could read it. Today I was out to lunch and I asked if the Tv could be turned off. the waitress said it wasn't the TV I was hearing but the background music, and she did turn it down. But since the place was very echo-ey I still couldn't hear. I am going to a conference in Boston next weekend and now mask wearing has been mandated for it , I will not be able to converse with other people. At least there will be closed captioning and listening devices provided for the speeches. I have a hearing aid in one ear and cochlear implant in the other and I still have been asked, in a very ugly tone of voice by strangers "Dontcha have a Hearing Aid?' "Yes, I reply, the best money can buy but they do not restore normal hearing" They don't answer, just walk away. I wonder, do these people mock those in wheelchairs or are blind in the same cruel manner?
Thanks for this most useful article. A further point that could be added: It can be difficult to differentiate certain critical words such as "is/isn't" or "are/aren't".. Examples: "It is raining here" - or did he mean "It isn't raining here". "The children are coming today" or did she mean "The children aren't coming today". In each example one knows what the remark is about - the rain or the children - but one misses the crucial piece of information - the positive or negative. This can be even more frustrating when the speaker repeats the whole again - possibly still slurring the crucial is/isn't or are/aren't!! David H-S
Yes, it happens all the time when I ask someone to repeat something (which I prefer not to do, for this very reason): they will say the same thing exactly the same way without thinking about what particular key part I might have misheard.
Everything in this article and subsequent comments ring so true For my every day life, except I have been blessed with 3 kiddos (adult children now) who are very understanding and accommodating to my hearing loss. On the flip side, I am a healthcare provider and understand both sides -and have seen both very good and abhorrent treatment of anyone different. I think one of the best things we can do is advocate for all disabilities and keep placing articles like this one out there for each of us to realize we are not alone and others (hearing) to learn from. Thank you to the author!
Fantastic - yes this is me, especially the part about hearing being tiring. I wish my husband truly understood, but alas he doesn't, all he says is 'put your hearing aids in and you might be able to hear me'.
Have read all posts and should confess that some situations remind me my own every day life. My wife ask me something from other room but I do not hear her because I listen latest news on TV. At office I hardly hear what my collagues say to me in low voice. Agree with first article issues. May be translate it to my wife…